It’s been nearly a month since we last spoke. Our final words of parting remain a fresh wound on my heart. You come to get your things and when you buzz the building, I grant you entry without even asking who is there. If I were smart, I would have left the box outside my door, so that you could silently collect your things and be on your way. But the masochist in me, feels otherwise.
You silently knock on the door and I open it. Immediately our eyes meet and the emotions overwhelm me. My throat constricts and I choke on my own tears. Bad idea. Bad, bad idea. I quickly kneel, grab the box and shove it into your arms. My lips quiver as I look at you, standing there, holding a box of belongings that once brought us so much joy together. I ready myself to close the door and then you speak.
“I’m sorry”, you murmur. You can barely look me in the eyes. My mind begins to race and I feel the rage building inside me.
You’re sorry? You’re sorry? You’re sorry for letting me believe you loved me? You’re sorry for letting me believe I was an important person in your life? You’re sorry for awakening my true submission and then slamming the door shut on it. You’re sorry for deciding that you no longer wanted to be my Master?
I slap you. I’ve never slapped anyone before. I need you to hurt like I do. You stand there, looking at me, a small pink handprint begins to erupt on your cheek. You looked at your life and decided I was the one thing that needed to go. I slap you again, harder. The tears begin streaming down my face. With my eyes blinded by the water works, I do not see you as you drop your box of belongings to the floor and catch my right hand. I startle by the surprise of your grasp and the loud crash. How dare you hurt me! I swing with my left hand, but you catch that one too.
Suddenly, I am being pushed into my apartment as you hold me by my wrists. Your foot kicks the front door closed behind you as you push me against the wall and the back of my head thuds loudly against the wall. Your lips find mine and I surrender to your kiss, fighting against your grip. I feel your lips and tongue kiss the stream of tears that flow down my face. I shake my head in disapproval. No, no I don’t want this. I fight you harder as you kiss my lips, cheek, and neck. I want to get away. I want you to go away.
“Look at me!” Your words sound broken as you beg. I open my eyes and see you, holding me and I see the tears streaming down your face. I hear the sobs coming from your mouth. I see the same tears falling from you as they do from me. I give into you. I give into us. Instead of holding me by the wrists, we hold hands, above my head and pressed against the wall. Passionately we kiss. I do not know where your tears stop and mine begin. All I taste is salt as we kiss. Your mouth runs down my neck and finds my breasts. You kiss them over the fabric of my shirt. I moan as your lips find my erect nipple and you bite gently. Your hands leave mine and glide down my body. You squeeze my breasts with your hands as you sob within my bosom. I cry above you, my tears raindrops on your face.
I feel your hands slip down my sides and creep below my shirt. I feel your warm, wet hands begin to trail up my flesh and I choke on the air in my lungs. “No!” I sob as I push you away. You lose your footing and slam against the front door. I crawl away, but I don’t get very far. You grab a fistful of my hair and your lips find mine once more and you kiss me hungrily as you lift me off the floor. You guide me into the bedroom, tossing me onto the bed. You lean over me and all we can do is look at each other through our tear soaked eyes. I feel the wound begin to open slowly. My heart begins to beat harder. You growl as your hands grab my pants and you try to yank them down my hips without unbuttoning them. Succeeding, my panties slide down with them. You stop long enough to see my naked cunt. This was your cunt once, remember? Your hand slides up my thigh and just as your fingers are about to find my folds, my aching folds, I scream for you to stop.
“No, please. Stop.”
You pause long enough to hear me and decide it’s not what I really want.
“No, no you can’t do this to me again. No more. Don’t make me fall in love with you all over.”
My words resonate and you finally understand, backing away slowly. Your eyes say all that needs to be said. No more words pass between us. I watch as you adjust your suit and wipe the water stains off your glasses. You nod in that way that someone does when they know they’ve caused so much pain but there is nothing that can be said to make it all better.
I listen as you close the front door behind you. I get up and make my way to the door. I sit with my back agasint it, holding my hands against my face as I sob into my palms while listening to you gather your things. A square of paper slips beneath the door and then the sound of your footsteps echo as you leave. I sob and sob hearing the sounds of your footsteps as they begin to grow quieter and quieter with each passing floor. My hand finds the slip of paper and I turn it over to read it. Through my tears I read, “I love you still. I’ll love you always.” I crumple the paper into my palm, letting my tears run the ink. Letting it wash away everything except the truth.
Love ruins everything.
© Secret Desire
