words unspoken

I’m tired, but my body resists the sleep it will need to face the upcoming work day. You always know what to do. I roll on my stomach, I feel the shockingly cool oil scented of vanilla as it hits my skin. Your warm hands kneed my flesh. I succumb to your touch.

As you massage the knots from my back, my mind wanders. There is so much going on. My thoughts run to my submission. My mind races a million miles a second. I feel the words form in my mouth.. but I hesitate.

You tell me to turn over and keep my eyes shut. Your hands move to my face. You run your fingertips over my lines. Tracing my eyebrows, tracing my jaw… it soothes me and calms me… but my thoughts still hit me.

I want to say it… but something holds me back. What is it? Is it fear? Fear of accepting the results of my words? Am I just too shy to say it? Perhaps I am just so lost… I have lost myself… I am searching to find the woman I am.. that I once was. Perhaps I can’t say it because I don’t know how?

“You know that this is very much a part of your submission.”

My breath holds in my chest. Your words catch me off gaurd. How do you know? How do you know what things I think about? You have always been good at that.

Now’s my chance. Say something! Seize this opportunity. Tell him. Still I lay in silence as you caress my face. Ask him! Ask him how this is part of your submission. Say anything! Just talk for fuck sakes! Still I grow more silent. T E L L  H I M ! Tell him you m ….

I withdraw in silence. You lay back in the bed beside me. You take my hand and place it on your chest. A symbol of comfort for the both of us. Wickedly, my eyes grow heavy. I feel sleep begin to take me away from you. I fight it. No, there are things I wish to say… but still I remain silent.

Just say it.

No… I grow tired.

What are you waiting for?

I don’t know.

Sleep takes me … words are left unspoken.

more here ….

~ by Mina on June 23, 2008.